The dark broke cover.

The week started with the Israeli Holocaust Remembrance Day, called Yom HaShoa. I attended a survivors talk by Aliza Erber. It is amazing that she is willing to share her story, still – during these days.

It was another difficult week for many of us. The upcoming song contest in Sweden, the antisemitic brawl at my alma mater, University of Hamburg https://www.uni-hamburg.de/en/newsroom/im-fokus/2024/0509-stellungnahme-ringvorlesung.html, as well as the open letter written by “academics” initiated by professors and lecturers from Berlin and signed by lots of others from all over the world, showed the difficult times we are living in. I am personally affected by this, because I know many of the signee of the open letter. These are people who never replied to any of my emails, who never talked to me at conferences or talks, who never supported one of my applications. When I started my academic career, I did not understand, why these people behaved like they did. I did not understand, why my academic advisor told me my PhD thesis had to be a strict theoretical based one and my case study, Israel and Jordan, has to be presented as “by accident” (quote). Over the years I got it! The lack of opportunities or the silence on many fronts when it came to my work and my research, was not only related to the fact that I am a woman, an academic from Germany. It was related to the fact that I am working on the things I am working on. Looking through the list of signee, I was proved right. They broke cover. Looking back on all the refusals and setbacks I had to deal with. All the new attempts and tries I did despite everything…I have to admit, it is kind of satisfaction. I was right in my assessment. I was right not to try again and again at some of the institutions these people work with or for. I am glad that my name was and is not next to theirs!

I am also glad, that the Germans voted for the Israeli artist at the “Eurovision Song Contest”, 12 points from the people, the silent majority. Congrats Germany for fighting the hate!

More insights into the life of a freelancer… remember when I wrote the following on April 6th?  “On Monday, after I returned from a family event, I was sitting in front of my computer to wrote a proposal for a research grant: I finished at 21.30 my time! I just figured out the very same morning that I am eligible to apply and that the deadline was the April, 1st! So, I had to hurry, but made in on time. Lucky me 😊 “ 

I have to correct myself… unlucky me… I got the refusal at one evening this week at 20.00. What a pity. At least I got an answer, usually one never hears back. And they answered within 5 weeks. Pretty unusual, too. If one gets an answer it takes month, normally. But what´s the outcome out of this? More searching for opportunities, more applications and less financial security. This is going to be an interesting summer!